It’s Funny Now, but It wasn’t Then

 

Foot in Mouth
There are moments in everyone’s life when we try to connect with someone else by making comments we instantly regret. Some of us do this more than others. I thought I would share a few of mine.

 

1. Asking a woman when her baby is due, when she’s not pregnant

Me: When is your baby due?

Woman: You. think. I’m. pregnant?

Me: Ah, no I…

I wanted to tell her that I didn’t think she looked fat, she had this cute little baby bump, but then I decided that this was a good time for me to stop talking.

Can I have a do-over?

2. Thinking someone’s observation is crazy when it’s actually correct

Me: You’re not going to believe this, my mom thinks you have false teeth!! Followed by shrieks of laughter.

My friend: I do.

Me: What?!

Not cool. Do-over, please!

3. Making your own observations about your boss and the office manager and then feeling the need to share it with him.

Me: I know you two are having an affair!!

Me thinking: Oh, no! Did I just say that out loud?

Boss: Let’s talk.

Me thinking: I’m so dead. I don’t ever want to talk again.

I should point out that this was the office Christmas party, I was on an antidepressant and drunk like everyone else, including my boss who wore my lipstick.

Worst staff party, ever. The following Christmas party I was very quiet, and the Christmas party after that, I was no longer working there.

I still want a do-over for that one.

4. Saying something completely outrageous because it couldn’t possibly be true

On my way to Tim Horton’s for my morning coffee, and my neighbour calls out so, I bring him a coffee and we chat.

Me: Is everything okay with you? You seem a little down.

Him: I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life.

Me: Well, how bad can it be, it’s not like you killed anyone!

Him: I did… I was 20…it was an accident.

Me: Oh…um…well…I…

Do-over!

I want to believe that this will never, ever happen again, but it will. And I’ll be struck speechless, wearing a look of horror, mumbling my apologies and wishing for a do-over.

2 thoughts on “It’s Funny Now, but It wasn’t Then

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