Daily Prompt: tea

This was a pick-up line from the late 60s into the 70s. I started high school in 1975 and I never got the meaning of this line. The sexual innuendo was lost on me. Now in my 50s, the meaning is blatantly obvious, but back then I just didn’t get it.

I knew there was something sexual about it. What I couldn’t figure out was what sex had to do with coffee or tea. It was a puzzle. And I was a little dense. Okay, I was a lot dense.

Someone asked me this question once and in typical Jane fashion, I laughed.

“Oh, you are so funny!”

When I worked as a teller for Scotiabank we had a client who would tell dirty jokes while he waited for us to complete his transactions. My response? I would give a nervous titter.

One day after he left the teller next to me said,

“Why do you laugh at his jokes?”

I don’t know, I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say so I laugh.”

“Well stop encouraging him!”

The next time he came in he was at the wicket next to me and he told a dirty joke. The teller didn’t acknowledge him and I didn’t laugh.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” he said.

No, you should not have,” she replied

He never told another dirty joke.

To this day, if a man says something suggestive, and I don’t know what to say I laugh.

“Ha ha ha”

Last year I decided to join a dating site. If you’ve never been on one it is an eye-opening experience. Gone are the days of sexual innuendo. On dating sites, there are a lot of men who are very direct. I had one man send me a message.

“Wanna go for coffee?”

Before I had a chance to respond he made another comment.

“I want you to wrap your legs around me and ride me hard.”

Wow! I still blush when I tell this story. And no I didn’t meet him for coffee or anything else. There was a lot of shocking, in your face messages. I thought I was in another world without a map.

I once asked my adult daughter, “When a guy invites you in for a drink is that code for sex or does he literally mean a drink?”

Her response, “Mum, if you don’t want to have sex then don’t have sex.”

Suddenly, it all became clear to me. It’s about choices and I have lots of them. No means no and if I misunderstand the meaning of your offer, I can refuse your offer and that’s okay.

Fortunately, I’ve never been in a situation where I was pressured into having sex. If I was, I was clueless. I really don’t ‘speak’ sexual innuendo very well.

About a year ago, I met Michael at a bar for a drink. We had been corresponding on the dating site and decided it was time to meet in person. In the time we communicated online there was never any sexual innuendo. He was respectful and sweet. We were speaking the same language and I felt comfortable with our conversations.

Michael is a little rough around the edges. A diamond in the rough. But I’ll take him any day over a “coffee, tea or me?” smooth talker.

 

 

Daily Prompt: Traditional

Delicious Dutch Chocolate Letters

Chocolate letters are a traditional gift for Christmas. Every year I counted on receiving a box with my initial. A little bit of chocolatey goodness on Christmas morning.

When I married we kept some traditions from both sides of the family and created some of our own. Giving my children a chocolate letter had more to do with the nostalgia I felt rather than their enjoyment of receiving a letter.

When my marriage ended there were a lot of changes, but the gift of a chocolate letter continued. It was a link to my past and a link to my children’s childhood.

A couple of years ago I picked up letters for my kids around the end of November. They sell quickly. If you don’t want to settle for an alternate initial you have to buy them early. The problem with buying them early is that chocolate in the house is so tempting.

I bought 6 letters that year. One for each of my 3 kids, myself, and two of my kids’ dates. Over the next week, I ate them all! I went out and bought 6 more and then proceeded to eat all of them again. What can I tell you? I’m weak.

By the third week, some of the letters were sold out. I was fortunate that all the letters I needed were still available. I put away the two for the girlfriend and boyfriend because I wanted to make a good impression. My kids are used to me being okay with ‘good enough’. If their letter isn’t available I go with the initial of their last name, middle name or in times of desperation anything.

With the girlfriend and boyfriend’s letters hidden away, I only had 4 letters that week. I had to buy 3 more letters and two of them were last name initials. My chocolate letter binge was over.

Ironically, I forgot to give my kids their letters and ended up eating them after Christmas.  I continued buying letters until February as the less common initials didn’t sell. It took me that long to stop my chocolate letter obsession.

It seems that it’s also traditional for me to gain weight at Christmastime.

 

Daily Prompt: Fragrance

Lilacs.jpg

At the back door

beside the stoop

an old lilac bush grew

Spring fragrance

Memories of Grandma

Forever remembered

Word Prompt: Dormant Seeds of a Writer

Dormant

The desire to write, like a dormant seed, waiting for me to water it with confidence and courage. For too long I would not write, I could not write. Like a seed that struggles to reach the surface, I feel the pull to put words to paper.

With each post, my confidence and courage grow. The seed splits and I feel myself stretch up and out like a plant breaking the soil to feel the sun. No longer dormant, I am free to express myself without fear.

Still tender, I will nourish my craft and protect my sensitive feelings until I can stand alone unafraid of criticism.

There is no turning back.

Why is Everything so Heavy?

Chester Bennington died by suicide yesterday, July 20. It was the birthday of his friend Chris Cornell who died by suicide two months ago.

I knew nothing about either of these men but like them, I and many others struggle with mental illness. This news weighs heavy on my heart. It reminds me that my mental health is a precarious balance between health and madness.

While taking part in a mental health outpatient program at the Oakville-Trafalgar Hospital I was assigned a counsellor to whom I reported at least once a week. Early on my counsellor mentioned something that has stayed with me over the years.

Mental illness is the only disease where your mind will try to kill you.

Betrayal usually comes from outside ourselves not from the core of our being. Not from our brain that we trust and rely on to warn us of danger, make logical decisions, and to protect our interests.

When despair and hopelessness settle in it’s our minds that whisper,

“What’s the point?”

And in a moment of unbearable pain, our mind is easy to believe.

I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on

Heavy by Linkin Park

After someone dies by suicide, people observe how normal the victim appeared. They seemed okay, their life was moving in a positive direction. They had plans. They were optimistic about the future.

All it takes is one low moment of desperation. A weary moment when the victim becomes tired of the burden, tired of trying so hard to hold on with no end in sight. No one can save you. It’s nobody’s fault.

Dying by suicide is not a choice. It’s a side-effect of mental illness. No one wants to die, but our minds deceive us into believing it’s the only way out. There is comfort in thinking the torment will end. There will be rest. The fight is over.

In talking to my family doctor many years ago about suicide, she said,

“Suicide is a long-term solution for a short-term problem.”

That was 18 years ago, and while she is right, my mental illness is hardly a short-term problem. It will be with me for the rest of my life.

Heavy was the last song written by Linkin Park. It speaks to Chester’s state of mind and the heaviness weighing on him. He was swimming in despair. His illness pulling him under the water. And in the end, he lost the fight and was swept away.